


The Third High

by cupcake12578



Category: Eyewitness (US TV), Eyewitness (US TV) RPF
Genre: Drugs use?, M/M, just weed, this is kinda sad idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 06:37:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9059875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupcake12578/pseuds/cupcake12578
Summary: Philip had heard the rumors, about how the first time would never get him high. He's hurting though, and this isn't his first time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There is drug use (marijuana) in this fic so if that bothers you steer clear.

Manipulative, or maybe convincing was the right word, Philip wasn't sure either way and if he was honest with himself he wasn't sure if he convinced Lukas or the other way around. Nonetheless though, he sat on the coarse blanket Lukas spread out on the grass quite willingly. He kept trying to convince himself he was just an observer but he'd inherited his will power from his mother, and he needed to escape his own thoughts for awhile.

Philip wouldn't consider himself naive. He knew kids smoked pot, and Lukas probably smoked too, especially considering his reputation and popularity. And so while he watched Lukas pack a bowl with those delicate fingers of his he told himself I just have to know why she did it all those years, once will be enough. He knows it's not the same, those were hard drugs and this is about as tame a thing a person could do, but nonetheless, here he is.

 

There were a lot of moments where blaming Lukas for his mother’s death felt like the only way to justify what had happened to him, but at the end of it all he blamed his mother for getting to the point he had to actually meet Lukas. Philip never asked to live in Tivoli and be the world’s worst kept secret. Philip loved Lukas desperately, but thoughts snuck into his head after Anne’s death that said it wasn't enough just to love him.

 

His hands tremble as he grips the glass of the pipe, it's shaped like a squid maybe, and the blue bubbles of color in the glass catch his eye. A lighter breaks the darkness as he keeps a hand on the choke and his lips to the mouth of the pipe. His hands and breath are shaky as he realizes he's about to have some insight into the mind of his mother. Lukas looks at him with wide eyes as his hands tremble, head cocked slightly to the side as if asking are you sure?

 

Philip's lip finds its way to his bottom lip for a second before releasing it.

 

Inhale. Exhale.

 

So he does.

 

He coughs and sputters, for a few seconds and briefly entertains the thought that maybe, just maybe, he might vomit. A water bottle is shoved into his hands and he downs a few swigs as coughs wrack his body. 

 

The smoke leaving Lukas mouth as he exhales entices Philip, and it feels strange. The next mouthful is blown right into his face and he waves it away with a flick of his hand. 

 

“Knock that shit off.”

 

Lukas chuckles at him but he doesn't blow anymore smoke towards him either. Philip manages to suck down a few more inhales and he thinks it's been 10 minutes, maybe 15. 

 

“This is it?”

 

Philip knows there's hurt in his words because if this is it, he could never understand why. 

 

“You know it doesn't work the first time right?”

 

“That's ridiculous. It's not even my first time getting high.” 

 

Lukas quirks an eyebrow at him.

 

“You told me you hadn't smoked before.”

 

“I haven't.”

 

Philip's been high before, the first time was when he was twelve and his mother had brought home a Christmas present to go under the drawing of a Christmas tree in the living room. Presents didn't grow on trees and so having one sitting in the next room over waiting for him was perhaps the best day of his life up until then. That little box wrapped so clumsily held the first and last present he ever received from his mother. When he finally opened it on Christmas Day, it was nothing more than a pack of markers, but he'd never loved anything more. 

 

Until one day, he did. The second high was shorter, it lasted just under an hour in its entirety. The day at the motel when it was just him and Lukas together between starchy white sheets, even if it was only for an hour, filled him with ecstasy at the mere memory of it. 

 

He figured his third high would be more of a learning experience than anything. Euphoria, he'd felt it before but being artificially eased into it, this was a first.

 

He took a few more inhales, he needed to know tonight, not next week or the week after when his willpower was weak again and Lukas looked a little too good. Sure, Philip brought the subject up but he definitely noticed the hint of a grin on Lukas’ face when he asked.

 

Philip neared the verge of giving up as he sat silent on that blanket, a small grin plastered over the blonde's face next to him. His left leg felt tingly and he moved positions trying to ease the nerves awake. The sensation consumed him, it was slow like fire and burned but he felt amazing and so warm. He didn't remember the first or second high, he could hardly remember where he was or why. The top of his head felt like it had a string attached to it and he finally laid down beside Lukas on the blanket he had set out. 

 

“I think I understand now.”

 

“It's nice isn't it, not thinking or even really feeling. It's just good and everything is warm around us.”

 

Philip saw orange around him, a light shone on the barn in the distance but the whole night felt illuminated by that one tiny light. Lukas was orange too, so warm looking, and Philip finally understood why people had favorite colors. Time disappeared, the only thing Philip could look at was that orange light, the sky, and Lukas. The stars beckoned to him, telling him to trust them and to reach his hand just a little farther. Philip reached and reached with his left arm, but he never could quite touch them, he found. Lukas giggled under his breath.

 

“What're ya doin’?”

 

“I just wanted to know how the stars felt, but I can't quite reach them.” 

 

To Lukas, this made perfect sense and so he stood up pulling Philip with him before folding up their blanket. They walked for hours, at least as far as Philip was convinced. Finally, they came to a rest at the top of the tallest of Lukas’ jumps.

 

“Can you reach them now?”

 

And Philip's hands reached up.

 

“No.”

 

A flip switched in Philip's mind then. The orange light now completely out of sight left Philip with a heavy feeling in his chest. The forest surrounded them and Philip felt his eyes get lost in the darkness. It pulled him in, anxiety bubbled in his chest and he could barely make out his gasping through the cloud in his head.

 

“Philip?....”

 

Philip tumbles down the sandy jump, his legs too clumsy to smoothly descend. He crumples into a heap, smothering his face in his knees but it's just too dark. Lukas holds him.

 

“I don't like this anymore.”

 

Lukas holds him tightly before tossing the little black bag with the pipe and weed into the lake. 

 

“Then I don't need it either; you want to head back?”

 

Philip gives him a solemn nod and they end up sleeping in the barn.

 

…

 

When Philip wakes up his mouth is filled with the earthy taste of weed, and there's hay in his hair. Lukas breathes softly beside him and unsurprisingly, he finds Lukas’ little black bag didn't have the answers he wanted. Still, he feels a little better, a little lighter. He isn't his mother. He could never sacrifice Lukas for even a chance at happiness and oblivion.

 

The third high brought a hint of closure.

**Author's Note:**

> I might add a follow up to this depending on its reception? Unsure right now.  
> You can find me on tumblr and my other fics plus drabbles at gayphilkasis  
> Thanks for reading and happy holidays!


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